“One day you will understand when you have kids…” is a phrase I heard quite a bit growing up. I always thought myself very insightful and didn’t comprehend what it was that I could not understand until I had kids.
One night in May of 2015, I had just put my head down on my pillow and was drifting off to dream land when my wife came into the bedroom to wake me with an excited tremble in her voice, “Look… do you see it too? It looks positive… I think I am pregnant.” I opened my eyes, looked at the test, and agreed that it could be positive, but we should check again in the morning… then I fell asleep. Inside I was excited… but I did not want to get my hopes up.
Fast forward to January 2nd … My wife was keeled over in pain and shouted to me that it was time to go. She started to get her things together and I went to shave… SHAVE?? Yes… I did not want my son to see me looking all messy if he was going to make an early appearance.
It turns out he was not going to wait until his due date. Giancarlo was born the morning of January 3rd.
I remember when we were finally discharged… I locked him into his car seat, jumped into the driver’s seat, started to pull away from the hospital … and it hit me… we were bringing a baby home… with no user guide or training included. This was going to be quite the adventure.
“One day you will understand when you have kids…”
Giancarlo had just woken from a short nap and was getting fussy. I scooped him up, walked over to the record player and dropped the needle on an Adele record. As the music played I danced with him looking up at me. As I moved around the room to the sound of the music he calmed down and looked up at me wide-eyed. As I looked back at him it occurred to me that we were both staring at each other in awe and wonder.
The longer I danced around and admired him, the more I felt as though I had now placed myself in my parent’s shoes. I felt more connected to them… understanding what they must have felt when they had me.
It was at that moment that I finally understood. You cannot understand a parent’s love until you yourself are a parent. There is no feeling that compares…